“Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young…”

- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

As they say, we don’t get to recovery on a winning streak. In the first step I admitted my problem: I was powerless over alcohol; my life had become unmanageable. The solution to my problem was a power greater than myself. I cleared away the defects of character which blocked me from accessing this power. Today my life has meaning and purpose. I have faith that I don’t face my troubles alone.

While I’ve found myself quite accepting of the fact that my life is unmanageable, as a parent of teenage children I haven’t been so willing to accept that I can’t control my children’s lives. I can ensure they have food, shelter and video games ( aren’t those Maslov’s most fundamental needs?) but I can’t direct their decisions or mold their attitudes to match mine. From the heart of a parent’s love I want to protect them from all the mistakes I made. I try to loan them my experience but they want their own and this brings me to Dumbledore’s quote.

I must remember that my experiences have meaning to me only because they are mine. I can’t forget that I also rejected my parent’s advice. Only I knew what was best for me. Only I could see the truth that others couldn’t. I’m learning that I can’t make my children know how age thinks or feels. They must learn in their own way and that is often painful for me and for them. I would do anything to save them the pain and anguish of adolescence but I can’t.

All I can give my children is unconditional love. As painful as it is to watch them mature what they need most from me isn’t my experience or lectures. It is my acceptance of them as individuals of value. It is the love that only a parent feels; the love that can soothe their mistakes without judgement and encourages them to keep growing.

We see things not as they are, but as we are.

- Anais Nin

 When I am spiritually sick and self-centered it is no surprise that I feel life doesn’t treat me well. Even if I stop drinking I still see life through alcoholic eyes unless I treat the spiritual malady at the heart of my alcoholism. Only then, with the humility and gratitude that comes from the reduction of my self-centeredness. am I able to find freedom and serenity. When I accept myself as I am, I am able to accept life as it is.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

- Buddha

On page 23 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous it states, “Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body.”  Later on page 64 it states, ” When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.” Our faulty, self-centered thinking, the unmanageable emotions that drive our hurtful behaviors and the damning self-talk that keeps us in shame and despair are spiritual problems needing a spiritual solution. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is a spiritual plan of action that will result in an awakened, growing spirit and a design for living that really works. 

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

 - John Lennon

I  have always been driven to take charge and take action by situations that didn’t satisfy me or weren’t part of my ‘other plans’. What drove me were the hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity mentioned in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. My plans invariably used self-delusion and self-seeking to protect me from the fear and self-pity caused by my demands that life meet my terms. All they accomplished instead was an isolation from the moment, an insulation from reality.

What I’ve learned by working the steps with my sponsor and practicing the principles is that I’m not in charge and every uncomfortable feeling doesn’t need to be fixed because it isn’t broken. I can make my plans and isolate myself from the world around me or I can open my eyes, see life before it passes me by and accept my feelings as part of my humanness. Once I start relying on a Power greater than myself, trusting that I’m safe and protected, I can experience the fullness of a life lived awake.

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist and Holocost survivor. He is the author of ‘Man’s Search For Meaning’.

Between a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

- Viktor Frankl

The response I have to a stimulus is an emotion. Based on this emotion I formulate an action. My emotions cause me to act. If my emotions were painful or shameful I would feel a sense of unease, or, from the book Alcoholics Anonymous ‘…restless, irritable and discontented.’  I would act to avoid them. Eventually, my only solution to avoid these feelings was the use of drugs and alcohol. Once I employed that solution I developed a physical craving which became paramount to all other needs and I lost the ability to control my consumption.

Dr. Frankl’s quote above points to the heart of my recovery. I needed more power. That power could be found deep within myself if I would only remove what obscures it from my life. I view Dr. Frankl’s ‘space’ as my spiritual nature; that place at the center of my being where lies a Divine power. Uncovering the true nature of that space allow’s God’s grace, guidance and strength to become part of my life. I know that if I continue to enlarge my spiritual life, this ‘space’,  I will not return to the old emotions that drove my actions and I will not need my old solution.

The 12 Steps of recovery are a spiritual plan of action. By trying to live the principles of these steps in all areas of my life and by desiring to help others unselfishly, my ‘space’ continues to grow resulting in a spiritual life of meaning, purpose and inner happiness.