“He explained to me, with great emphasis, that every question possessed a power that was lost in the answer… Man comes closer to God through the questions he asks Him, he liked to say.”

– Excerpt from ‘Night” by Elie Wiesel

“Computers are useless. They only give you answers.”

– Pablo Picaso

I’ve always felt the necessity to know. I believed that if I had enough answers I could then ensure that my needs would be met. The fear that I wouldn’t get what I needed to be happy drove me to become controlling and manipulative. If I just controlled everything around me I would finally feel safe. But then the unexpected would happen and the fragile sense of security would disappear to be replaced again with fear. I would try even harder to control the uncontrollable. I believed the power I sought was in the answers. This was a damaging and hurtful cycle which left my spirit parched. It isolated me from those I tried to love.

 A large part of my spiritual growth has been letting go of the need to know. I don’t and can’t know God’s will but I can seek it with willingness and an open mind. I don’t and can’t know what the day will bring but I can greet it with curiosity, interest and acceptance. I can allow pain into my life like an old friend who’m I’ve known too long but still visits me anyway, always leaving behind an unexpected gift if I look for it. I can trust that an opened mind and heart will receive the grace of gratitude and acceptance even when I don’t see them on the horizon. The ocean often seems large and dangerous, my boat small. Fear recedes when I have faith that all I need are questions. The faith that only in questions lies the power I seek.